tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14218705814307689752024-02-07T06:18:23.241-08:00Random TangentAutism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.comBlogger129125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-20261724741464415812012-02-24T08:16:00.000-08:002012-02-24T08:16:37.574-08:00FumblingI've been trying to get a schedule put together for myself, as I tend to waste lots of time if I don't plot out my day in advance. At the moment, I find myself sitting with my laptop trying to conjure words to write. I am having quite a bit of difficulty, so I decided to blog rather than work on fiction at the moment.<br />
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As anyone who knows me or who reads this blog knows, I'm a very pessimistic and depressive sort of person. It is just naturally how my mood, thoughts, and personality tend to drift. I try to counter it with positive thinking when I am less stressed out by life. <br />
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However, at times like the past few weeks, the thought of staying positive or, heaven forbid, having an "attitude of gratitude" makes me want to punch someone in the face. I have trouble keeping focused on optimistic, self help type mantras, as they feel very cheesy and counter to my personality. <br />
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I know that I am mainly the one suffering from my depression and fixation on all things shitty in life, but I also know that it affects my family and close friends. Still, I can't quite get over my moods and myself. I am trying to do things that make me feel good about myself, mainly exercising and eating right, but it just isn't enough. <br />
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I remember shit that has happened that really upsets me. I internally rail at the horrible injustices of the world. I get filled with self-righteous indignation. I wish I were happy and optimistic, but then I just say, "What the hell is the point?" <br />
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For me, at least in this phase of my life, religion isn't an answer. It feels like a fake concept meant to explain all of the awful things that happen in life. A shining beacon to reach for because without it we all just live and die; the good are not rewarded, the bad not punished. There is no spiritual justice without it. <br />
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But I can't get over the lack of logic, the improbability, and the faith necessary. I don't have it in me. I don't know if I really want to. At times it is certainly tempting. And I'm not trying to demean what it is for other people; I'm merely stating how it appears to me at this point in time. <br />
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I think most people have been dealt some really awful things in life that they did nothing to deserve. And I think most people have also made some awful decisions to bring additional problems to their lives. Still, overall, it doesn't seem fair. I know life isn't fair. But what is life? What is the point if we are here for a brief ephemeral existence that ends in a finality of eternal nothingness? <br />
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On a different topic, I feel like I base my long term goals and actions around the needs of others. What do I really want? And why do I feel selfish for wanting to pursue things that are strictly for me? Why do I feel like I shouldn't put so much time and energy into exercise and eating right because I should be more focused on the people in my life, particularly my children?<br />
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I feel like there isn't enough me left for me. I feel like I try to please other people and be there for them, but that there isn't really much me left over at the end. And I feel guilty for thinking this. Why should I have things just for me? What is the point other than selfishness? But without interests and time for me I won't have anything to give to others. <br />
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I'm just tired of struggling with life. I am exhausted both mentally and physically. I feel done.Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-82256375927314099782012-01-29T08:49:00.000-08:002012-01-29T08:49:22.730-08:00Why Can't We Be Friends?I've never fully understood or appreciated the relationships between women. There is so much jealousy, rivalry, and absolute hatred lurking in these relationships.<br />
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I've never been a girly girl, and I've always had more male friends than female friends. I don't purposely seek out male friends, but I tend to make them more easily than same sex friendships. I often feel like I'm on a different wave length than women. <br />
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I have noticed both in my personal experience and in studies on female relationships, that women tend to choose friends that are of similar attractiveness or friends that they perceive as less attractive than themselves.<br />
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I've even had friends tell me that they don't mind if their boyfriend/husband has a "fat" female friend. Obviously they perceive a "fat" woman as less attractive and therefore not a threat. <br />
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In college, I was in a class of only about five women, counting myself. By popular consensus, we seemed to fall into the following categories: two "attractive" women, a fat woman, and two "butterfaces". That's cruel and snarky, I know, but since I was friends with guys I heard these things. But more than that I sensed them among the females. I was very shy and suffering from postpartum depression, so I didn't really try to make friends. Neither did my female classmates reach out to me. But they were all friends with one another: the "attractive" one, the "fat" one, and the two "butterfaces" (I feel horrible even writing these terms, but it is not my opinion; it is germane to my story as I use the phrases to illustrate the point). Notice that the attractive female didn't want to befriend me, but she did go out of her way to befriend the other females. <br />
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The only time she talked to me really was to offer me a backhanded compliment: "Did you get a job?" "Yeah," I responded. "I noticed you were dressing nicer." Ouch. What a bitch thing to say. <br />
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Why do we, as women, do this shit to one another? Like we don't have enough neuroses of our own to contend with, we pile more shit on one another by being catty bitches. I'll admit I'm guilty of this crap. Mainly when I was a teenager. As I entered adulthood and realized what I was doing I began to reign it in. I'll admit I still have snarky thoughts, but I think about them and realize how stupid they are. I no longer act on them. <br />
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Here are some interesting studies about women and how they interact with other women:<br />
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<a href="http://www.mendeley.com/research/attractiveness-rivalry-womens-friendships-women-1/">Attractiveness and Friendship Rivalries</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.isegoria.net/2004/03/study-examines-female-rivalry/">Women more critical of other women at different times during the ovulation cycle</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.epjournal.net/wp-content/uploads/ep0696112b.pdf">Appearance anxiety and female subordination</a><br />
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This one isn't a study, but rather a book looking at women's rivalry: <a href="http://www.learnoutloud.com/Audio-Books/Social-Sciences/Gender-Studies/Tripping-the-Prom-Queen-The-Truth-about-Women-and-Rivalry/27624">Tripping the Prom Queen</a><br />
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I've heard and seen so many women get catty and snarky with one another for no good reason. And I've experienced women flirting with and/or trying to make a move on my significant other right in front of me just to be bitches. What is most frustrating about this is that guys seem oblivious to it and will say that I'm just "jealous" or "being a bitch" when I mention it. Women know that guys love having their egos (as well as other things) stroked and know that most guys eat it up whether or not they are committed. <br />
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To me, this is one of the most blatantly bitchy things to do. It pisses me off at the woman for both myself and for her. Why does she feel the need to use her sexuality to feel better about herself? Why does she feel the need to upset other women or put other women down to feed her self esteem? <br />
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Another huge issue is body image. I've had women tell me they "hate" me because "I'm skinny". First of all, I'm not skinny. I exercise to feel good, be healthy, and to get muscular. To me, "skinny" is an insult. I bust my ass to gain muscle, not get thin. Second of all, why say you hate me? Do you know how rude and insensitive I'd have to be to walk up to someone I've just met and say, "I hate you." And when they ask why I respond, "Because you're fat." How hurtful, disrespectful, and cruel is that? Well, it's the same when you do it to me and say it's because I'm skinny.<br />
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I've suffered from body image issues since the age of 11, and I've gone through phases of binging and purging, starving myself, and over exercising. I'm fragile, I'll admit it. So if you call me fat OR skinny I'm going to be upset and it may trigger issues later on for me. <br />
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Anyway, the point of all this rambling is that women need to stop this stupid shit. We should be there for one another. Or, if that's too much, just leave one another the hell alone if all we are going to do is tear one another down.Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-75432699445940852252012-01-01T20:11:00.000-08:002012-01-01T20:11:09.649-08:00BedtimePersonally, I love sleep. I think maybe there is something wrong with me because of how I can sleep just about all of the time. I could sleep all night (not that I do that every night, due to interruptions from the kids or my stupid IBS causing me issues) and then sleep most of the day. Happily. Sure, once I've finally sated my sleep lust (usually somewhere over the 12 hour marker--achieved via multiple sleep sessions) I feel like a wasteful loser that has accomplished nothing. Still, I love me some sleep.<br />
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My kids, on the other hand, do not have my affinity for slumber. I didn't as a kid either, but now as an adult I see the error of my ways. How can you not love sleep?!<br />
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However, with their autism-related sleep issues they've had extreme insomnia at times. Even with the aid of sleeping medications. We've tried ambien, melatonin, espom salt cream, benadryl (under a doctor's advice!), clonidine, klonipin, diazepam, vistaril, and some others I can't remember the names of. We are currently using clonidine and hydroxyzine (a prescription antihistamine). It seems to work most of the time, though it still can take 2-3 hours for them to fall asleep. This is much better than taking 6-8 hours or more to fall asleep (if at all). There have been several nights when they never fell asleep. <br />
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They just don't want to go to sleep. They actively fight it. Sometimes if they sense that a medicine is making them drowsy they will use all of their will power to fight it off. Even if that means hitting themselves or doing bed acrobatics. <br />
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I sorely wish that I could lend them some of my sleepiness. Especially right now. I have a feeling it's going to be a long, long night.Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-13389006783600277392011-12-18T18:04:00.000-08:002011-12-18T18:11:05.851-08:00Why Vajazzling Makes Sense for WomenI sometimes think I live in the wrong socio-economic class. I mean, I love sparkly crystals. I'm sure I could use these totally useful items:<br />
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<a href="http://news.yahoo.com/aim-carefully-with--130-000-crystal-toilet.html">Swarovski Crystal crusted toilet (a steal at $130,000!)</a><br />
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<a href="http://collectibles.about.com/od/pez/ss/blfaopez903_2.htm">$1500 Etch-a-Sketch--covered in, you guessed it-- Swarovski crystals</a><br />
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So, I was thinking: it was only logical that we (I'm speaking for ALL women here) started putting these shiny bits on our vaginas. I mean, really! If an Etch-a-Sketch is normally only worth about <a href="http://www.bing.com/shopping/etch-a-sketch-classic/p/9964EC7479D94AD292D1?q=etchasketch+price&lpq=etchasketch%20price&FORM=HURE">$7-$18</a> and a toilet is normally about <a href="http://www.bing.com/shopping/search?q=lowes+toilets&qpvt=lowes+toilets&FORM=HURE#x0y0">$100-$600</a>, think about the mark up the crystals would add to my vagina! If an $18 Etch-a-Sketch becomes a $1500 product, and a $600 toilet becomes a $130,000 product... You see where I'm going with this. <br />
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If I had to place a value on my vagina, I can instantly increase that figure by roughly 83 to 216 percent! Think about it ladies, where else are we guaranteed that kind of return? And I don't see why it can't work for guys as well. Though I'm guessing they might be a little more squeamish about such things (bunch of wussies!). <br />
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<a href="http://www.vajazzling.com/faq">You generally either pay for a Brazilian wax and get a free Vajazzle thrown in or you pay up to $100. </a> (Yep, I learned that from the Vajazzling FAQ page! Yep, there is indeed such a page)<br />
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Take your time ladies. But in this economy, can you afford NOT to get Vajazzled?!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://s4.hubimg.com/u/4645155_f260.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="177" width="260" src="http://s4.hubimg.com/u/4645155_f260.jpg" /></a></div>Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-76108475729394828772011-11-20T17:22:00.000-08:002011-11-20T17:22:17.227-08:00More Fun With Depression!Another thing that I've been doing lately is being a complete smart ass in my head. I often refrain from saying the things I think, because I know I'm in a bad mood and nothing productive will come from me airing my unfiltered thoughts. <br />
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Sometimes no provocation is needed. I've just become a very sarcastic, snarky, mean spirited person in my mind. It's almost a compulsion. I don't even think or plan out my thoughts on this subject; rather they "pop" into my head. This could be my OCD (which yes, a doctor did tell me I have mild OCD, so I'm not trying to be witty or something by attributing my bitchiness to a diagnosis I don't have). Usually it is very disturbing images that pop unbidden into my mind, but I suppose that sarcastic and/or mean remarks compulsively popping into my head could be a part of that as well.<br />
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Anyway, here's one remark that popped into my head today. Someone I know posted a comment on Facebook about how they'd "get a babysitter for that", as if she would only get a babysitter on a rare occasion or for really important events. I thought to myself, "Oh, like the time you got a babysitter to go fuck a guy you'd met a couple of times?" Because that's important, my friends. It shows strong character and parental skills. She even had someone to come over and dye her hair. Because we all know that a dude who wants sex from you will really give a damn about whether or not your roots are showing. <br />
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My mind then creates other dialogue, in a bit of a southern accent, "I won't leave my baby for just anything. It's gots to be real important like. Mommy needs her sex. That's my 'me' time. I gotta take care of me baby."<br />
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Ah, I'm just a jerk. What can I say? A bitter, sad jerk.Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-42149476917712378422011-11-20T14:52:00.000-08:002011-11-20T14:52:17.095-08:00So Very TiredDespite the fact that I've been sleeping a lot lately, I remain tired. I've opted for sleep over many things that I could have or should have been doing the past couple of weeks. Instead of going to the gym many mornings, I slept (though to give myself some credit, some of the time I was feeling horribly sick). Instead of running errands, cleaning the house, looking for work, or doing college assignments, I slept. <br />
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Now, you may be thinking, "Geez, you're a lazy ass," or "Why are you complaining about sleeping so much," or some other thought along those lines (or not, I can't predict everything one might think). Regardless, I'm talking about sleeping so much because I have no will to do anything else lately. I don't want to do anything. So I sit on the couch like a lump until I get sleepy and pass out. Then I'll sleep for hours. Even if I slept all night, I can just about sleep all day. <br />
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I have no will to move or do anything. I think about moving, but I don't do it. Even if I'm uncomfortable from being in the same position for so long, I don't move. I just think, "Ow. My back (arm, leg, etc.) really hurts. If I shift my weight or get up and move it'll stop." Then I sit or lie there until I fall back asleep. <br />
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I'm pretty broke, having just lost my main source of income and all. I'm depressed about life in general. For many of my problems I don't know what to do to fix them. So I simply exist, taking up space. <br />
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I can function, albeit it very slowly and by doing only the minimal amount of action. After wasting most of my day with sleep a sort of anxious panic sets in. I freak out that I've wasted time. Valuable time that I can never get back. Then I go into a sort of hyper state of running around doing as much as I can. <br />
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Then, at the end of the day, I vow not to do it again tomorrow. Guess how that story ends. If you guessed I do the same damn thing the next day, you're right.Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-56742098323259282222011-11-06T18:34:00.000-08:002011-11-06T18:34:15.297-08:00Wishy WashyIf I'm certain of one thing about myself it is this: that I can be quite wishy washy. If I were a politician I'm sure accusations of waffling would be heavy in the early days of my campaign.<br />
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Part of it is depression, I think. Perhaps a very large part of it. I feel like my resolve and determination can be quite high at moments (perhaps a bit unrealistic even), only to have it all fade away into despair. Quite often these two states occur at least once in the same day. <br />
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It is frustrating. I feel like I can't rely on myself to keep focus on long term goals and aspirations due to this. I can meet short term goals, but I often second guess and doubt myself when I have to endure through longer periods of time before reaching my goal. I lose my confidence and resolve. <br />
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Some might just say that I'm lazy, unmotivated, or a whiner. Admittedly, I'm all of these things to some degree some of the time. However, I feel like my brain chemistry is stacked against me or something. I know life is hard and at times it will get harder. But I feel like it's maybe just a bit harder than it should be.Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-92036461244297047372011-10-23T15:24:00.001-07:002011-10-23T15:24:03.263-07:00Day #30- Freddie's Vocal RangeI can't attest to the accuracy of the labeled notes that he is hitting in these clips, but it is awesome enough to hear the different sounds he makes. I freaking love Freddie Mercury!!!<br />
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<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/7KY8Z69Oowc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-32947373701039704102011-10-23T14:56:00.000-07:002011-10-23T14:56:21.978-07:00Freddie Day # 29- Freddie Screw Up? Never!<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ZULbqmaTBUs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
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This is kind of funny. Freddie and Queen nerds will appreciate it. A compilation of screwed up lyrics, notes, etc. from Queen's live performances.Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-2871717573278049042011-10-23T14:49:00.000-07:002011-10-23T14:49:18.538-07:00Freddie Day #28- This is What Happens When Freddie Sees a Penguin Poop<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/TuUcdAz4slg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
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This is a video of part of the making of the "I'm Going Slightly Mad" video, which was made not that long before Freddie died.Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-57424465059578966952011-10-23T14:45:00.000-07:002011-10-23T14:45:27.523-07:00Freddie Mercury Day # 27- In Case You Somehow Missed It, Here's Freddie's Google Doodle<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Xe0gIFxYhrk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-21516659943845317082011-10-23T14:39:00.000-07:002011-10-23T14:39:20.587-07:00It's Been a While... Freddie Mercury Day # 26!Depression and life have a way of interrupting my blog homage to Freddie Mercury's awesomeness. What else is new? <br />
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Including this post, I have four more Freddie posts to do. I'll try to find some good stuff. Obscure stuff. ;)<br />
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In the mean time, this is a pic of my Freddie Mercury costume prototype. I was waiting to receive my Flash shirt still. I have it now, and I will be getting a better mustache. Then my poor man's (well, woman's) Freddie costume will be complete. I will be wearing it to do a Halloween CrossFit workout at CrossFit Reynoldsburg this coming Saturday. Yay! <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8O5XitOffveEYZrjEfaxawY1QkuSUe5WThFw7HbuMTPNSHHk1fSprK6ghThs5KFW7bbG80h81KeV6QTSriLsphH-9uzqvNkzncYr0HRBHBHKyQ3AwXtEysj5O6XI_mMVvNKefOgzViAE/s1600/freddie+and+manson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="150" width="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8O5XitOffveEYZrjEfaxawY1QkuSUe5WThFw7HbuMTPNSHHk1fSprK6ghThs5KFW7bbG80h81KeV6QTSriLsphH-9uzqvNkzncYr0HRBHBHKyQ3AwXtEysj5O6XI_mMVvNKefOgzViAE/s200/freddie+and+manson.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Who would've imagined Freddie and Charles Manson partying together? Not I. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrLheL0iqJxcq5naRE8W6xmzaJ-3SQaOnPA8LlvCnU9Xs10ygQL_Xfr7X4p68cUcOLf4IVjr-Cj_uCBCjUn5kd5qVoaLdwOB5Hwp5JRsfAviGQgEDbz2Uc9UgTwFAI8vB6S39RvK1uCQM/s1600/freddie+and+cathie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="150" width="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrLheL0iqJxcq5naRE8W6xmzaJ-3SQaOnPA8LlvCnU9Xs10ygQL_Xfr7X4p68cUcOLf4IVjr-Cj_uCBCjUn5kd5qVoaLdwOB5Hwp5JRsfAviGQgEDbz2Uc9UgTwFAI8vB6S39RvK1uCQM/s200/freddie+and+cathie.jpg" /></a></div><br />
What lady doesn't love Freddie? A dumb one, I tell you!Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-56448113106097585032011-09-05T09:34:00.000-07:002011-09-05T09:34:31.459-07:00Happy 65th Birthday, Freddie Mercury!Today would've been Freddie's 65th birthday. I wonder what sort of awesome music he'd be making if he were still here. <br />
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I saw some really dumb responses to a post on Facebook about what artist alive today is most like Freddie. Before I even read the posts I knew some dumbasses would write "Lady Gaga". Just because she derived her name from "Radio Gaga" because she and her boyfriend/manager at the time fancied her to be vocally like Freddie does not mean she is anything like him. <br />
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Her style isn't like his. Sure, he wore some weird ass outfits and costumes, but he did it as an artist. If he was walking through an airport or shopping he wasn't baring his hairy chest and crown, with the British flag draped about his shoulders. He often wore sweats or jeans and a T-shirt. Lady Gaga, on the other hand, dresses to attract attention both on and off the stage.<br />
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Freddie, by accounts from those who knew him best, was an intensely private person. Gaga, not so much.<br />
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She writes songs to court controversy in the name of bringing awareness to inequality and bigotry. <br />
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Freddie left his sexuality ambiguous for a while before he publicly started frequenting gay night clubs in the late 70's/early 80's.<br />
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Oh, and his vocal range totally beats Lady Gaga's hands down. <br />
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From a subjective perspective, I feel that he is far superior to her lyrically. He had serious lyrics and silly, playful lyrics as well. <br />
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Lady Gaga, in my opinion, goes for pop-safe, catchy beats and dance backdrops to ensure radio play and popularity. Lyrics aren't her strong suit, in my opinion. And yes, Freddie is my favorite singer and artist of all time, so anyone I compare to him will not best him in my mind. However, some artists can hold their own against him based on skill. Lady Gaga sure as hell isn't one of them. (And who the hell thought to post Kesha as the artist most like Freddie?! I'm hoping it was someone under the age of 14!)<br />
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Anyway, love him or not, happy birthday Freddie!<br />
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I'll repost my favorite motivational-style poster pic of him, simply because it's awesome. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHqTuRMQQZyri2Mgh6Uk-gXbjHwdpFAVgTXh4l2Xu9xVgbFrnzPzDY922XBdSuiGY7vwzwU-n9McAp79d551OW6LZ7m4a6fx0-rQG1Vea6bqLUx3fCfpzPqRngNstcFIW5V7LhakIMa48/s1600/freddie-mercury+epic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="160" width="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHqTuRMQQZyri2Mgh6Uk-gXbjHwdpFAVgTXh4l2Xu9xVgbFrnzPzDY922XBdSuiGY7vwzwU-n9McAp79d551OW6LZ7m4a6fx0-rQG1Vea6bqLUx3fCfpzPqRngNstcFIW5V7LhakIMa48/s200/freddie-mercury+epic.jpg" /></a></div>Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-28773320546815245592011-08-19T19:15:00.000-07:002011-08-19T19:15:07.574-07:00Oops! I've Certainly Fallen Off the Bandwagon...I have five days of Freddie left due for my 30 days of Freddie (which I am woefully behind on, but I will finish it at some point). But I don't really feel like writing about Freddie right at this moment. <br />
<br />
I'm feeling really disconnected lately. I feel like everything in my life is confusing and disrupted. I feel like there is chaos, disorganization, discontent, and confusion. I'm not very happy.<br />
<br />
I'm trying to change things, but it is difficult. Money is really tight, my emotions are raw, and I'm mentally drained. I'm uncertain of my future and I'm tired of feeling this way. <br />
<br />
Just felt like venting a bit. Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-30846155527219220232011-07-24T17:55:00.000-07:002011-07-24T17:55:07.539-07:00Freddie #25: MustaphaA lot of casual Queen fans and non-Queen fans (if such a thing truly exists!), may have never heard the song Mustapha. It is from the Jazz album, which didn't fare as well in the US as A Night at the Opera, A Day at the Races, and News of the World (the albums immediately preceding Jazz). <br />
<br />
Anyway, it is an interesting song that seems to draw on Freddie's childhood in Zanzibar and India. <br />
<br />
<iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Oq6OoPB5FIM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-71731074245016416252011-07-24T17:38:00.000-07:002011-07-24T17:38:21.792-07:00Freddie #24- NPR's Special, "Rock'N'Roll's Humble Showman"<a href="http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=129476462&ft=1&f=102">Here is a link to a nice story NPR did for their 50 Great Voices segment.</a><br />
<br />
Here is a small excerpt: <br />
<br />
Lambert, as an openly gay performer, says he owes a debt to Mercury's flamboyance decades ago.<br />
<br />
"There's definitely something missing in today's music scene," he says. "We don't have a lot of men on stage doing flamboyant or theatrical. We have a lot of female pop stars doing it, but where are the guys? Where's the classic pop-rock showman?"Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-71491297785374538592011-07-24T17:35:00.000-07:002011-07-24T17:35:01.741-07:00Freddie Mercury Post 23: Epic Lyrics and Hilarious Ad-libbingI think Freddie was the best lyricist in Queen, which is not to malign the skills of the others. Come on, can many lyricists fare well when compared to Freddie?<br />
<br />
Anyway, off the top of my head, here are a couple of the funniest ad-lib lyrics I can think of:<br />
<br />
"Bring on the girls! Come on, come on, come on!" -from "Princes of the Universe"<br />
<br />
"Shorty, all right" -from "Don't Stop Me Now"<br />
<br />
And here are some of my favorite Freddie lyrics:<br />
<br />
I can dim the lights and sing you songs full of sad things<br />
We can do the tango just for two<br />
I can serenade and gently play on your heart strings<br />
Be your Valentino just for you -from "Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy"<br />
<br />
Oh how wrong can you be<br />
Oh to fall in love<br />
Was my very first mistake<br />
How was I to know<br />
I was far too much in love to see<br />
<br />
Jealousy, look at me now<br />
Jealousy, you got me somehow<br />
You gave me no warning<br />
Took me by surprise<br />
Jealousy, you lead me on<br />
<br />
You couldn't lose<br />
You couldn't fail<br />
You had suspicion on my trail<br />
How, how, how, oh my jealousy<br />
I wasn't man enough<br />
To let you hurt my pride<br />
Now I'm only left with my own jealousy -from "Jealousy"<br />
<br />
Recommended at the price<br />
Insatiable an appetite<br />
Wanna try? -from "Killer Queen"<br />
<br />
<br />
I am forever searching high and low<br />
But why does everybody tell me no<br />
Neptune of the seas have you an answer for me please<br />
The lily of the valley doesn't know -from "Lily of the Valley"<br />
<br />
Well I've loved a million women<br />
In a belladonic haze<br />
And I ate a million dinners<br />
Brought to me on silver trays<br />
Give me ev'rything I need<br />
To feed my body and my soul -from "Keep Yourself Alive"<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I like way more than just those, but I tried to pick some that would be a representative sample. :)Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-87911869634742783292011-07-24T17:13:00.000-07:002011-07-24T17:13:17.536-07:00Freddie #22- My Favorite Track from BarcelonaThis is my favorite track from the album that Freddie did with Montserrat Caballe, called "The Fallen Priest".<br />
<br />
<br />
<iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/JLMlPx3UL_0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<br />
Awesome vocals. Haunting music. Epicness.Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-90869647343158224272011-07-24T17:09:00.000-07:002011-07-24T17:09:06.670-07:00Oh So Far Behind! Day 21 of Freddie MercuryHere's a blog about how Freddie was the<a href="http://www.lankaweb.com/news/items/2010/04/14/freddie-mercury-%E2%80%93-the-dostoyevsky-of-rock-music/"> Dostoyevsky of Music</a>!<br />
<br />
Here is an excerpt from the blog:<br />
<br />
"<br />
<span style="color: black;"> </span><span style="color: black;">His songs had most diverse kind of lyrics and it was a mixture of music, ideas and philosophies of Rene Descartes Jean Jack Russo, Goethe, Friedrich Nietzsche, Jean Paul Sartre, Albert Camus, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Little Richard and Jimi Hendrix. Most of his songs were inspired by magic and fantasy. But he spoke of deep philosophy through his music. </span><br />
<span style="color: black;"> </span><span style="color: black;">In the song, My fairy King Freddie Mercury comes with a classic prose and poetry that narrates a fantasy land. Although the situation imagined and it does not correspond with reality, it expresses the desire and aims of the singer to detach from the realism. </span><br />
<strong><span style="color: black;"> </span></strong><span style="color: black;"><em>In the land where horses born with eagle wings<br />
And honey bees have lost their stings<br />
There’s singing forever to you<br />
Lions den with fallow deer<br />
And rivers made from wines so clear<br />
Flow on and on forever<br />
Dragons fly like sparrows thru’ the air<br />
And baby lambs where Samson dares<br />
To go on"</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><em><br />
</em></span>Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-85935036492345303182011-07-19T16:14:00.000-07:002011-07-19T16:14:26.555-07:00A Freddie Mercury Intermission: Bad MoodsI've fallen behind a bit on my Freddie Mercury blogging goal; I intend to remedy this within the next couple of days. In the mean time, if you really hate reading/listening to people bitch and complain, stop reading here.<br />
<br />
I'm sick and tired of having so many ups and downs. For a bit of each day I will feel fine (or my version of fine, which is not really "fine" at all if you go by the definition). Then the following feelings will come in no particular order: anxiety, sadness, a deeper sadness, anger, annoyance, irritability and worthlessness. Potentially a mild panic attack may also occur.<br />
<br />
Some days are better than others, of course, with more time spent feeling "fine". Certain weekdays are particularly bad for me. I don't know why with any certainty. But look out for extra online bitching and whining on Thursdays and Fridays.<br />
<br />
I'm so tired of it. It's making my OCD worse. By that I don't mean washing my hands or checking locks obsessively. I mean dark, hurtful imagery that pops into my mind unbidden. And repeatedly. Very disturbing images. If you've experienced it you'll know what I mean. If you haven't you might think I'm either a freak or an extra big whiner. (I mean if it's not a gaping wound or horrid disease I should just shut up and quit complaining right?!)<br />
<br />
The past few months have been extra stressful for me. I am trying to work through my issues, but I know that I haven't been doing it in the best possible way. It's hard when I feel like I can't rely on myself to have my own best interests at heart.<br />
<br />
I get angry and I want to lash out at those who are close to me, particularly if I feel that they have contributed to my stress. All that accomplishes is alienating myself, hating myself for feeling petty/vengeful, and causing those close to me stress and/or grief. I'm sick of it.<br />
<br />
However, if I try to hold it in or ignore it, it boils over and eats at me from the inside. I've tried talking to those I'm angry with, and while I might feel better while talking to them there is no real resolution to my issues. I wish I could just walk away from everything, but that's not possible.<br />
<br />
I think most of all I am angry and disappointed in myself. I like to think of myself as a nice and understanding person, but my actions don't always measure up to that. That only furthers my feelings of self loathing and worthlessness.<br />
<br />
I know I'm not the only one with problems, both emotional and otherwise, but that doesn't diminish my daily struggle. Sure, I appreciate that things could be worse. But does that mean that my problems are nothing? People tell me to think of the good things I have going for me, but that doesn't negate the problems I have. I know they mean well and want me to be happy, but I also feel like they are just tired of hearing me complain. They just want me to <b>be </b>happy. Honestly, I don't know how to just be happy. I don't know that it is that simple.<br />
<br />
Not to say that I don't have happy times, because I do. They are just interspersed between lots of negative feelings. The cycles of feelings are what exhaust me so much. I just want to be content. To hell with happy. I'll leave that for when I've been content long enough to slide into boredom. (Don't want to aim too high!)<br />
<br />
I really feel like doing mean and angry things right now. I want to piss people off. I want to make them hurt. I'm tired of taking everything to heart when others can just walk away from a situation and carry on like nothing happened (well, I know that isn't totally true, but I seem to have more trouble letting go than others do; not their fault, but they don't always take my feelings into account when doing shit that affects me).<br />
<br />
I'm just tired of it. I wish I could just not care. I don't want to care any more. It hasn't gotten me much thus far. I'm just not like that. Yet. I feel myself becoming more apathetic and detached at times. I know that's not a healthy goal, but I'm sick of emotional pain. I'm sick of being sick of it.<br />
<br />
If you've survived this far into my emotionally immature rant, thanks (I guess; maybe I'm sorry would be more appropriate).Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-87623802782648902652011-07-17T19:15:00.000-07:002011-07-17T19:15:56.291-07:00Freddie Day 20: Shout Out to Another Freddie BloggerI found a blog post with the title<span style="font-size: small;">: "I'm in Love with My Car: My Masculine Relationship With Freddie Mercury". Never mind that that song was written by Roger Taylor; cars play a role in the post. Still, with a title like that I had to read on. According to the site it was published back in 1999. </span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.leisuresuit.net/Webzine/articles/freddie_mercury.shtml"><span style="font-size: small;">Here is a link to the blog. </span></a><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">And here is an excerpt: </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #330033;">Guess what was proudly taped on the inside of the toughest kid's locker? You got it: a centerfold poster from Circus of Freddie Mercury in a silver lame, spandex leotard, cut down to his pubic hair in the front and ass in the back, with the piece de resistance, a pair of pink ballet slippers.<br />
<br />
Now, today, a kid in the same circumstances as the toughest kid (working class, willfully unintelligent, abusive, infamous bully) wouldn't dream of hanging something like that in a public place. But in the 70's? Honestly, he didn't know any better, and neither did I, nor did a lot of people. Freddie seemed a bit effeminate? That he did. And he kicked ass on songs like "Now I'm' Here" or "Death on Two Legs."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #330033;"> </span><span style="font-size: small;"></span>Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-18116144357430795242011-07-17T13:52:00.000-07:002011-07-17T13:52:40.435-07:00Day 19: Alaskan High School Choir Told They Couldn't Sing "Bohemian Rhapsody" Because Freddie Was GayHmm. Not really sure why it matters if a singer/song writer is gay. I hope they don't play Gary Glitter in Alaskan, seeing how he's a pedophile and all.<br />
<br />
Anyway, here is a link to the article: <a href="http://www.politicususa.com/en/freddie-mercury-too-gay-for-wasilla">Freddie Mercury Too Gay for Wasilla.</a><br />
<br />
Here is a small excerpt from the article:<br />
<br />
"In the fairy tale kingdom that Sarah Palin built, there are no fairies.<br />
<br />
According to the <a href="http://www.frontiersman.com/articles/2011/05/12/local_news/doc4dc8c8e0a76f2219524721.txt">Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman</a> of Wasilla, the members of Wasilla High School’s symphonic jazz choir found out on Friday they wouldn’t be singing the popular Queen hit “Bohemian Rhapsody” (from 1975′s <em>A Night at the Opera</em>) after all at this year’s graduation ceremony. Not because after working on it all year they couldn’t get a grip on the complex tune, but because…well, Freddie Mercury was gay."Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-88751921147036741762011-07-17T09:49:00.000-07:002011-07-17T09:49:56.817-07:00Several Days Late, But Here's Day 18! House of RockHow did I not know about House of Rock until today?! Freddie, John Denver, Notorious B.I.G., John Lennon, and Kurt Cobain all share a house in limbo. Before John Lennon joined in season 2, Mark Bolan lived in the house.<br />
<br />
Anyway, here are some links to a couple of episodes. I don't think it'll be every Freddie fan's cup of tea, but I found it funny. Freddie is a very exaggerated character and much snarkier than the real Freddie. Still entertaining though. <br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/lr9t2ev2LpU" width="425"></iframe><br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ApsSehebEc4" width="425"></iframe>Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-43542287747100837442011-07-12T19:50:00.000-07:002011-07-12T19:50:44.846-07:00Day 17: Freddie's Outrageous OutfitsFreddie wore some awesome outfits and costumes over the years. He was lean and (in my opinion) sexy, so he could pull off just about anything. <br />
<br />
Here are some pics with him in a variety of outfits and costumes. Enjoy his awesomeness!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-PT6SnANEtnRBJlhgLfXeyF3jhi9PDjm7qC2C9OgLZzB-qHGTfHoHOyyKEaEBr-jy-P4xdaXx8A87T4__TRqCil-a9ZiaHhNDyn5L6yqU_xDeKe7rZydWfG9jEOPwnTataW92Tn4NieU/s1600/freddie_mercury_42.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-PT6SnANEtnRBJlhgLfXeyF3jhi9PDjm7qC2C9OgLZzB-qHGTfHoHOyyKEaEBr-jy-P4xdaXx8A87T4__TRqCil-a9ZiaHhNDyn5L6yqU_xDeKe7rZydWfG9jEOPwnTataW92Tn4NieU/s200/freddie_mercury_42.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1421870581430768975.post-16112895011263533662011-07-11T20:16:00.000-07:002011-07-11T20:16:54.764-07:00Freddie Mercury Day Sixteen: Freddie, as Featured in The Art of ManlinessNow that I've covered some of the more obvious topics about Freddie (how awesome he is, pop culture, cool pics, interesting quotes, etc.), I've been searching the internet for ideas of what to post about. <br />
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Today I found a cool blog called The Art of Manliness. <a href="http://community.artofmanliness.com/profiles/blogs/freddie-mercury?xg_source=activity">A link to the full story is here.</a><br />
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Here is an excerpt of the page about Freddie Mercury:<br />
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...Of Glam, Freddie Mercury said in 1973, “We’re confident people will take to us, because although the camp image has already been established by people like Bowie and Bolan, we are taking it to another level. The concept of Queen is to be regal and majestic. Glamour is part of us and we want to be dandy. We want to shock and be outrageous instantly.”<br />
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Mercury was special. In the beginning, he experimented with bi-sexuality before fully embracing his homosexuality. “I’m as gay as a daffodil, my dear!” he once said. Freddie sang with an amazingly powerful voice with an astonishing range, wrote classic generational anthems, and rocked and inspired millions of people. Sadly, he was also one of the first famous people that AIDS took from us.<br />
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The post was written by <a href="http://community.artofmanliness.com/profiles/blog/list?user=0pad2dpaia5gs">Leah Morrigan</a>. <br />
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I think it is an interesting take on Freddie Mercury's influence and how different people viewed him.Autism Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06686881487383574305noreply@blogger.com0