Good Intentions (and Other Stuff)

I didn't follow through with my last two giveaways due to some mental and physical health problems. The first person who won hasn't sent their address in (please do so if you still want the giveaway prize!) and here is the second winner, albeit about two-to-three weeks late: Blicky Kitty. I don't know if cats wear pendants or not.
: )

I switched medication for depression a few months ago due to some bipolar-like symptoms getting worse. The side effects of the first medicine, Lamictal (lamotrigine), were bad so I had to stop taking it. I was buying things (although they were for resale purposes--which I suppose makes it somewhat less of a bad thing) even when I already had inventory to sell still. My closet is still jam packed with items. I sold a fair bit of things, at least a little over half of what I bought, maybe more. Still, I didn't really have the capital to be investing in all of these items.

It was like a high though. Lamictal has been proven to cause compulsive behavior in people. I also craved whiskey while on this medicine. I hadn't drank in quite a while and I didn't plan on it, seeing how alcohol and depressed people aren't a good mix. Throw in an antidepressant with an anti-convulsant/seizure med with an anxious, depressed person and alcohol seems like an even worse idea.

Now I am on Celexa (which I also took with Lamictal) and a very low dose (2.5 mg) of Abilify. In addition to making me not able to use the bathroom (sorry for the TMI passages, just reporting the facts), it is also making me gain weight fast. I have gained roughly 12.5 pounds in the past month. I have never gained weight like this (well, with the exception of being pregnant).

So in addition to my already low self esteem and dislike of my body, I am now gaining weight with wild abandon (all right, I'm being a bit melodramatic right now). To make matters worse, I went to the grocery store today and as I walked from my car to the store a guy yelled, "Have mercy!" I may be paranoid, but since no one else was around and I had just passed him I believe he was referring to my butt. Even when I weighed quite a bit less I still had a very noticeable backside. : (  I've had too many experiences with odd comments and outright stares at my big butt to chalk this episode up to self consciousness or paranoia. Hmm.

My back pain is mostly back to normal though, which is a good thing. I don't think I could live with chronic pain. About a week of that had me worn out. And pain pills made it bearable, but they are kind of evil; as soon as you start to feel comfy and the pain is gone they start to wear off. And in the mean time my nose itched so bad that I scratched it until it was almost raw. You can't win with medicine sometimes. : )

Anyway, I have vowed to start eating more healthfully, and I've started making sure I do my back exercises and some weightlifting several times a week. My stupid back pain will never stop if I don't become more proactive about exercising and stretching. I hope to get my gym membership back next month. After last November's car wreck I was unable to work out due to daily headaches, weekly migraines, dizziness, neck pain that radiated down my arms, and low back pain. I am more than ready to get back into figure competition shape. Or maybe I'll go for bikini competition shape. I liked being buff way more than being out of shape. I hate being all soft and wimpy!