Sunday, November 20, 2011

So Very Tired

Despite the fact that I've been sleeping a lot lately, I remain tired. I've opted for sleep over many things that I could have or should have been doing the past couple of weeks. Instead of going to the gym many mornings, I slept (though to give myself some credit, some of the time I was feeling horribly sick). Instead of running errands, cleaning the house, looking for work, or doing college assignments, I slept.

Now, you may be thinking, "Geez, you're a lazy ass," or "Why are you complaining about sleeping so much," or some other thought along those lines (or not, I can't predict everything one might think). Regardless, I'm talking about sleeping so much because I have no will to do anything else lately. I don't want to do anything. So I sit on the couch like a lump until I get sleepy and pass out. Then I'll sleep for hours. Even if I slept all night, I can just about sleep all day.

I have no will to move or do anything. I think about moving, but I don't do it. Even if I'm uncomfortable from being in the same position for so long, I don't move. I just think, "Ow. My back (arm, leg, etc.) really hurts. If I shift my weight or get up and move it'll stop." Then I sit or lie there until I fall back asleep.

I'm pretty broke, having just lost my main source of income and all. I'm depressed about life in general. For many of my problems I don't know what to do to fix them. So I simply exist, taking up space.

I can function, albeit it very slowly and by doing only the minimal amount of action. After wasting most of my day with sleep a sort of anxious panic sets in. I freak out that I've wasted time. Valuable time that I can never get back. Then I go into a sort of hyper state of running around doing as much as I can.

Then, at the end of the day, I vow not to do it again tomorrow. Guess how that story ends. If you guessed I do the same damn thing the next day, you're right.

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