Sunday, November 6, 2011

Wishy Washy

If I'm certain of one thing about myself it is this: that I can be quite wishy washy. If I were a politician I'm sure accusations of waffling would be heavy in the early days of my campaign.

Part of it is depression, I think. Perhaps a very large part of it. I feel like my resolve and determination can be quite high at moments (perhaps a bit unrealistic even), only to have it all fade away into despair. Quite often these two states occur at least once in the same day.

It is frustrating. I feel like I can't rely on myself to keep focus on long term goals and aspirations due to this. I can meet short term goals, but I often second guess and doubt myself when I have to endure through longer periods of time before reaching my goal. I lose my confidence and resolve.

Some might just say that I'm lazy, unmotivated, or a whiner. Admittedly, I'm all of these things to some degree some of the time. However, I feel like my brain chemistry is stacked against me or something. I know life is hard and at times it will get harder. But I feel like it's maybe just a bit harder than it should be.

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